Understanding Sex Addiction and Compulsive Sexual Behavior

Signs You May Need Sex Addiction Treatment

Many men who come to Intrapsychic initially minimize their behavior or feel tremendous shame about seeking help. Recognizing the problem is the first—and often hardest—step. Consider whether any of these patterns sound familiar:

Behavioral Signs:

• Spending increasing amounts of time engaging in sexual activity or planning sexual encounters

• Using sex, pornography, or masturbation to cope with stress, anxiety, loneliness, or other difficult emotions

• Engaging in risky sexual behaviors despite knowing the potential consequences

• Lying to partners, family members, or others about your sexual behavior

• Experiencing cravings or urges that feel overwhelming or impossible to resist

• Finding that sexual activity no longer provides the satisfaction it once did (tolerance)

• Multiple attempts to cut back or stop that have been unsuccessful

Emotional and Relationship Impact:

• Feeling intense shame, guilt, or self-loathing after sexual activity

• Experiencing relationship problems due to infidelity, dishonesty, or emotional distance

• Noticing that sexual behavior interferes with work performance or responsibilities

• Feeling like you’re living a double life or hiding significant parts of yourself

• Experiencing depression, anxiety, or hopelessness about your ability to change

• Recognizing that your behavior conflicts with your values or who you want to be

Physical and Practical Consequences:

• Financial problems related to paying for sex, pornography subscriptions, or related activities

• Legal issues or risk of legal consequences

• Sexual dysfunction in intimate relationships

• Sleep disruption due to late-night sexual activity

• Neglecting health, hygiene, or self-care

• Risk of sexually transmitted infections

If several of these signs resonate with you, professional treatment can help. The patterns that lead to compulsive sexual behavior didn’t develop overnight, and they won’t resolve through willpower alone. They require understanding and addressing the underlying psychological factors that drive the behavior.

Our Approach: Attachment-Based Sex Addiction Therapy

At Intrapsychic, we don’t use shame-based methods or generic 12-step models. While these approaches work for some people, our experience over 25 years has shown that lasting change comes from understanding why the behavior developed in the first place and addressing those root causes.

Phase 1: Accountability and Awareness

Treatment begins with direct, honest work on the problematic behavior itself:

Taking Responsibility – No excuses, no minimization. You engaged in the behavior, and change starts with full acknowledgment of that reality.

Identifying Cognitive Distortions – What thoughts allowed you to justify or rationalize the behavior? Common distortions include “It’s not hurting anyone,” “I deserve this,” “I can stop anytime,” or “This doesn’t count as real cheating.”

Understanding the Suspension of Empathy – In the moment of compulsive behavior, concern for others—including partners, children, or future self—gets pushed aside. We help you recognize how this happens.

Developing Interruption Strategies – What are the early warning signs? What situations, emotions, or thoughts precede the behavior? How can you interrupt the cycle before it starts?

This work is concrete, behavioral, and focused. It gives you tools to manage urges and avoid situations where you’re most vulnerable.

Phase 2: Attachment-Based Exploration

Once accountability is established, we move into deeper psychological work. This is where transformation happens. Using principles from attachment theory and the Adult Attachment Inventory, we explore questions like:

• What was your relationship like with your primary caregivers?

• Did you experience loss, abandonment, or inconsistent care as a child?

• Were there traumatic experiences—abuse, neglect, violence, parental mental illness or addiction?

• How did these experiences shape your beliefs about yourself, relationships, and intimacy?

• What emotional needs were unmet, and how do they show up in your adult life?

Most men discover that compulsive sexual behavior serves a psychological function: it manages unbearable feelings of shame, inadequacy, loneliness, anxiety, or emptiness that originated in childhood. The sexual behavior is not the problem itself—it’s a symptom of deeper pain.

Example: A man who experienced emotional neglect as a child may have learned that he’s unworthy of genuine love and connection. As an adult, compulsive sexual behavior provides temporary validation and escape from that core belief. Until he addresses the underlying wound, the compulsive behavior will continue to resurface no matter how many times he resolves to stop.

Phase 3: Healing and Integration

The final phase involves:

1. Processing Past Trauma – Reliving painful experiences in a safe therapeutic environment, often for the first time with full emotional awareness.

2. Correcting Childhood Attributions – Recognizing that what happened to you as a child was not your fault; scraping off decades of misplaced shame.

3. Developing Emotional Capacity – Building the ability to tolerate difficult emotions without escaping into compulsive behavior.

4. Cultivating Genuine Intimacy – Learning to connect with others authentically rather than through sexualized interactions.

5. Moving Toward Generosity – Our ultimate goal is helping you develop the capacity to love others generously rather than using them to meet your own unexamined needs.

Group Therapy: Standing on Each Other’s Shoulders

While individual therapy is valuable, group therapy is a cornerstone of our program. In group sessions, men discover they’re not alone in their struggles. The shared experience creates powerful therapeutic opportunities:

Mutual Learning – One man’s insight about his past often unlocks similar revelations for others in the group. Accountability – Group members gently confront each other’s rationalizations and distortions in ways that promote growth rather than defensiveness. Breaking Isolation – Shame thrives in secrecy. Group therapy breaks the isolation that keeps compulsive behavior hidden. Practicing Vulnerability – Learning to be emotionally honest with other men builds the capacity for genuine intimacy. Witnessing Progress – Seeing other men change provides hope and practical guidance for your own journey.

We use several therapeutic principles in group work:

• “Blood on the Page” – Written assignments presented to the group must be deeply honest, going to where the pain is.

• “Honor Your Own Experiences” – Talk about what actually happened to you without self-blame; this changes your relationship with the past.

• “Honor the People Who Have Been Hurt” – Your recovery work is a way of giving back to those affected by your behavior.

• “The Truth Is the Truth” – Regardless of how terrible an event was, healing requires coming as close to reality as possible.

What to Expect in Treatment

Initial Consultation

Your first appointment with Dr. Reavis or a staff member involves:

• Discussing your current concerns and what brought you in

• Reviewing your sexual behavior history without judgment

• Exploring relevant personal and family background

• Beginning to develop a preliminary treatment plan

• Answering your questions about the therapeutic process

All consultations are completely confidential and conducted with respect for your dignity and autonomy.

Treatment Structure

Treatment typically includes:

• Individual therapy sessions (weekly or bi-weekly) to work on personal issues and maintain accountability.

• Group therapy sessions (weekly) where men support each other through the recovery process.

• Written assignments completed between sessions to deepen self-reflection.

• Reading and educational materials about attachment, trauma, and compulsive behavior.

Timeline

Every person’s journey is different. Some men benefit from focused short-term work over 6-12 months. Others engage in longer-term therapy to address complex trauma and attachment issues. We’ll work with you to determine what’s appropriate for your situation.

Cost and Insurance

Our practice is committed to providing expert, specialized care. We accept several insurance plans and offer private-pay options for those seeking maximum confidentiality.

Insurance Information: We are in-network with several major providers in San Diego, including:

• Tricare (Standard and Prime)

• Medicare

• Blue Shield of California

• Magellan Healthcare

• Cigna

Fees for Private Pay:

• Initial Consultation: $250

• Individual Session (50 mins): $175 – $225

• Group Session (90 mins): $75 – $100

Sessions are confidential and HIPAA-compliant. You have control over what information is shared with insurance companies or other parties.

Success Stories: Real Change Is Possible

While we can’t share identifying details, here are common themes we see in men who complete treatment:

From J. (Professional in his 40s): “I came in thinking the problem was my porn use. Dr. Reavis helped me see it was really about never feeling good enough, going back to my relationship with my father. Once I understood that, everything changed. I didn’t have to ‘fight urges’ anymore—I just didn’t need that escape anymore.”

From M. (Referred by legal system): “I was angry about being forced into treatment. But the group helped me see I wasn’t alone, and the attachment work explained things about myself I’d never understood. I’m grateful now. This literally saved my life and my family.”

From R. (Struggling with infidelity): “My wife gave me an ultimatum, and I thought therapy would just be someone telling me I’m a bad person. Instead, Dr. Reavis helped me understand why I kept sabotaging the one relationship that mattered most. The work was hard but it was worth it.”

Why Choose Intrapsychic for Sex Addiction Treatment

Specialized Expertise

Dr. Reavis has dedicated 25+ years exclusively to treating compulsive sexual behavior. He has:

• Completed thousands of psychological evaluations

• Treated approximately 300 men weekly

• Published research in peer-reviewed journals

• Testified in federal and state courts as an expert

• Trained under Robert D. Hare, Ph.D. at University of British Columbia

Trusted by Legal and Medical Professionals

Intrapsychic holds contracts with:

• U.S. Federal Pretrial Services

• U.S. Federal Probation

• San Diego County Probation

• Mental health and legal professionals throughout Southern California

Evidence-Based Methods

Our attachment-based approach is supported by empirical research showing that early relational trauma significantly predicts adult compulsive sexual behavior.

Comprehensive Care

We work with men at all levels:

• Those mandated by courts or probation

• Those sent by concerned partners or employers

• Those self-referring because they recognize the problem

• High-functioning professionals and men with forensic histories

Two Convenient Locations

• San Diego (Mission Valley area)

• Vista (North County)

• Telemedicine available throughout California

Frequently Asked Questions

Is sex addiction real? While the term “sex addiction” isn’t in the DSM-5, the pattern of behavior is very real. The current clinical term is “Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder.” If your behavior causes problems and you can’t stop, treatment can help.

Will I have to stop all sexual activity? No. The goal is healthy sexuality, not abstinence. Treatment focuses on eliminating compulsive or problematic behavior while developing the capacity for intimate, consensual relationships.

What if my behavior involved illegal activity? We work with men at all levels of legal involvement. Sessions are confidential within the bounds of state law. We are experienced in navigating the intersection of treatment and legal requirements.

Can I continue working during treatment? Yes. Most clients maintain their work and family responsibilities. Sessions are scheduled to minimize disruption to your life.

Is my partner involved in treatment? That depends on your situation. In some cases, couples therapy is beneficial; in others, individual work comes first.

Take the First Step Today

Seeking help for sex addiction or compulsive sexual behavior takes courage. We respect that decision and treat every client with dignity, confidentiality, and professionalism.

Call (619) 234-7970 to schedule a confidential consultation with Dr. Reavis or a member of our team. We typically respond to inquiries within 24 hours. You can also fill out our secure contact form and we’ll reach out to you privately.

Recovery is possible. You don’t have to face this alone.

Related Services

• Porn Addiction Treatment

• Infidelity Counseling

• Group Therapy

• Psychological Evaluations